SABHA - 4M Report Arvind Kumar, 15 Jan 2006

Your regular dose of pseudosecularism

  1. History of the World

    Based on the works of "scholars" such as Abbe Dubois, Max Muller, Michael Witzel of Harvard University, Stanley Wolpert of University of California at Los Angeles, and James Heitzman of University of California at Davis, we have carefully constructed the history of the world.

      4004 BCE: The world is created in six days.

      2348 BCE: A flood submerges the apple orchard in the desert where humans inhabit. 600-year-old Noah escapes along with his 100-year-old son Japheth, goats, and other animals.

    Stanley Wolpert explains lucidly in his book, The New History of India, the fate of the inhabitants of this civilization.

    Around 2000 B.C. the original Indo-European speaking, seminomadic barbarians, who most probably lived in the region between the Caspian and the Black seas, were driven by some natural disaster, possibly drought, prolonged frost, or plague. Elaborating on the type of natural disaster, he writes,
    Whatever the cause of their dispersion - it may even have been a series of Mongol invasions from Central Asia - the ancestors . . . were forced to flee from Southern Russia to survive.
    We chose "whatever" as the cause (since we haven't yet figured out how a series of Mongol invasions falls under the category of natural disasters), and were in luck when we found the actual explanation buried in an article by Michael Witzel! Apparently, civilizations developed on pond sides! A tsunami from the pond must have drowned the entire civilization. Well, not quite the entire civilization. The male members and horse chariots survived!

      1500 BCE: The male members of the Aryan Civilization get onto their chariots and ride to India. When they arrive in their thundering chariots, the men folk in North India are terrified by the neighing horses and run away to South India leaving behind the women! The Aryans then proceed to civilize India.

      1552 CE: As James Heitzman points out, India became so civilized that miracles started occurring and one such miracle was that the mummified body of "Saint" Francis Xavier did not decay!

      1950 CE to 2005 CE: The Aryans start to cover up their misdeed of invading others and hatch a worldwide conspiracy along with Stanford University, BBC, National Geographic, American Journal of Human Genetics, Indian Statistical Institute, all genetic scientists, scientists involved in carbon dating, University of Durham, and many other institutions around the world. Together, they start rigging evidence against the Aryan Invasion 'Theory' and evidence against Aryan Invasion Theory starts appearing in academic journals.

      2005 CE: One Steve Farmer, who has reportedly been described as some sort of assistant to Michael Witzel in a petition to end Harvard's association with hate groups, indicates in a response to the last edition of 4M Report, that there is massive money behind SABHA (it costs under $20 a year to run this site) and he is actually hot on the money trail to unearth this cunning conspiracy by Hindus!

  2. Lord God in petty land dispute!

    Christian fanatic Pat Robertson has stated that his Lord God is one of the two parties in a land dispute. He explained Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's recent stroke as an act of bitterness by a disgruntled Lord God.
    "He was dividing God's land, and I would say, 'Woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the [European Union], the United Nations or the United States of America,'" Robertson told viewers of his long-running television show, "The 700 Club."

    "God says, 'This land belongs to me, and you'd better leave it alone,'" he said.

  3. Update on 'Witzel vs Science' case

    The American Journal of Human Genetics along with a number of institutions around the world joined the conspiracy to undermine the work of Michael Witzel of Harvard University. According to a recent paper published in the journal, a scientific analysis of the genetic data says that there was no Aryan Invasion! We are waiting for updates on the status of the investigation carried out by "Asst. to the Professor" Steve Farmer who is hot on the Hindu money trail behind this paper.

  4. Christians enthralled as 'Jesus image' appears in a Nacho pan!

  5. Coming soon: The Harvard Donkey Trial

    The Hindu American Foundation has retained a law firm "to represent the Foundation in its interactions with the California State Board of Education (SBE)." What this means is that we can expect a legal case that touches upon the validity of the Biblical Creationism-based Aryan Master Race Theory. Supporters of this theory in its various forms believe that all bones of horses found in excavations in India are actually the bones of donkeys. This belief is important as it fits in the chronology of Indian history into the biblical timeframe. The group that clings on to the Aryan Invasion Theory is headed by Prof. Michael Witzel of Harvard University who is a disciple of the Abbe Dubois School of Thought (see scanned images from Abbe Dubois' book to understand this school of thought).

  6. CPI(M)'s Brinda Karat tampers with evidence

    Apparently, Brinda Karat of the Communist Party of India (Marxist) tampered with the samples of Ayurvedic medicines she collected from Baba Ramdev's pharmacy before accusing the respected yoga guru of mixing animal products in the medicines.

    Brinda Karat's antics received wide coverage on NDTV which is run by her brother-in-law. Indian Communists oppose Ayurveda and all forms of modern medicine, and instead worship the dead body of Lenin. Those groomed in Communist Science, claim that Lenin was a "genius" because he had large pyramidal neurons in his brain!

  7. Harvard Professor gets frightened of internet message

    One of India's leading journalists, Ashok Row Kavi, has written in to tell us that he once stated that he had requested God Krishna to behead Prof. Michael Witzel of Harvard University with the Sudharshana Chakra. Apparently, the professor was so frightened as he considered this a conspiracy to kill him and complained on every "grubby elist" about it.

    When a Harvard professor was scammed by 419ers, The Register of UK asked,

    . . . one fundamental question remains: what is currently the minimum IQ required for a Harvard professorship? We suspect that the answer is double figures - or less.
    Now it is our turn to ask the question: what is currently the minimum IQ required for a Harvard professorship? We suspect that the answer is double figures - or less.

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